The Chaser: Hammy The Squirrel Goes FTL

Hammy strolls while lasers creep...

     Several of my fine, young readers might be wondering just why I would want to discuss something as seemingly trivial as Hammy The Squirrel. That’s because a lot of people don’t stop to ponder the laws of physics, such as why it is not currently possible to achieve FTL (faster than light) speeds. It’s a very interesting discussion, so please follow along… 

     It seems like a completely contrived idea that feeding a squirrel with ADHD an energy drink could impart the ability to move through timespace at FTL speeds. Well, that may be so. What would it take to actually be able to do this? If you wanted to go FTL, according to the laws of physics it would take an infinite amount of energy, unless you could achieve zero mass. All matter however, possesses mass. (Save for Neutrinos, billions of which have just passed through both of us!)

     In real world physics, experiments such as the LHC at CERN in Switzerland are seeking to find and confirm the existence of the “Higgs boson,” an elementary scalar particle that is thought to impart mass to all other matter. If this particle is found, not only could we explain mass, but we might also be able to find a way to mitigate the effects of the Higgs boson! What that basically means is that the Higgs boson is our key to travelling at FTL speeds! Now trip on this! We know that matter has an opposite; antimatter. We’ve seen it, created it in colliders and witnessed its interaction(s) with normal matter. So, doesn’t it stand to reason that if the Higgs boson exists, that it might have an opposing particle? This “anti-Higgs boson” would have the opposite effect on matter, actually robbing it of mass!

     So now back to Hammy. Supposedly in the world of cartoon physics, feeding a squirrel with severe ADHD an energy drink provides Hammy with the opposite of the Higgs boson particle, thereby giving his body zero or even negative mass, allowing him to move through spacetime at FTL speeds! (Still want to drink that caffeinated Monster or Rock Star in the can on your desk?) 😉

Filippenko's universe

     Dr. Alex Filippenko from the University of California, Berkeley said something on “The Universe: Biggest Blasts”  that has stuck in my head, and the implications of it are mind-blowing! It has to do with what happened in the fraction of a second after the big bang; “hyper-inflation.” Dr. Filippenko states, “No particle can move through spacetime faster than the speed of light, but spacetime itself can move faster than the speed of light. That doesn’t defy any of the laws of physics.”

Cup of everything, anyone?

     Say spacetime is a cup of coffee. Nothing, not one atom or quark, not even light (photons) can move through that cup of coffee any faster than the universal speed limit. BUT! The whole cup of coffee can itself move, flex, expand, even contract at unimaginable speeds that exceed that of light, and in similarly unimaginable ways! Warp your head around that, why don’t ya!


3 comments on “The Chaser: Hammy The Squirrel Goes FTL

  1. Jacob W. Morphew says:

    Honestly, if drinking energy drinks could do that, i would make it a point to have 3 a day… be in perpetual FTL all the time… 🙂

    • Yeah, I know you would, Mister “Runs all the way across town to the house, with a jacked-up shoulder and a 80 lb. rucksack.” Nope, no more Rockstars for you kiddo!


  2. Val Vosburg says:

    cool 🙂

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